Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
