paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
