if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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