I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
