Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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