Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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