You just made me feel so damn special
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
