She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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