I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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