Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
