I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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