how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
