just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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