when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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