She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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