She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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