ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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