I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
