they need to just BURY HIM!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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