Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
