I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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