Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
