I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
