How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
