My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I look better un-naked...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
