I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My ass is underappreciated
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
