Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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