I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
