Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
