Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
