"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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