I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
