I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
