i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
