It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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