He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
