It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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