do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
