It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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