Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
