Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
