it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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