i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
