My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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