i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I lost the right to judge tonight
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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