Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
