Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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