just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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