I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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