I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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