Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
