I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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