Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A bitchslap is in order.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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