I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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