This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
