Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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