cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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