I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
