If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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