I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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