I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
