I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
