I'm really into asian looking animals
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This is not my ceiling
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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