There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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