just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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