Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize