i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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