Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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