I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize