come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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