Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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