I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
