WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
